i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
