sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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