my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
