the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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