I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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