I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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