In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
