I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
