I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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