tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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