You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
