he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I came so hard my ears popped.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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