I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
