so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
