I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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