apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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