Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
