Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
