so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
