Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
