when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
