I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
