he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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