I am in a vortex of obligation.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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