She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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