So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
