sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
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while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
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And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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