I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
