you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
