i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
