i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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