Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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