I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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