He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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