he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
