She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Actions speak louder than pants.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
