I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
