she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
