bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Someone signed my nipple.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
