So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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