the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
