he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
