guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
