I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
