I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
