Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
