I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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