TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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