love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
