I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Randomize
