I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
