i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
