my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
