I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
