so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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