Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
