think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
