I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My life is pants optional.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
