I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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