come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
