Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
