i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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