I CAN MOONWALK!
im about as happy as oj after his trial
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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