just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
