Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
